Have You Ever Known
by Hannahble
Summary: Have you ever known what it's like to be nervous alone, what it's like when the time slips right out your hands? I don't think you do. Riku's POV, oneshot. R&R :D


Have You Ever Known

I would like to think that I'm contained and relatively unemotional; everyone I ask agrees with that description... That is, except you. But that's your fault; you're the one that makes me think about everything, the one who makes me see the bigger picture. I used to hate thinking that you were a better person than I was; I hated thinking that you were right and I was wrong. Yet you proved it to me without even trying, and saved me from myself. You do the impossible with ease and all I can to do is watch your light from afar. How I wish I could hold some of that light. Just for a couple minutes.

But I don't think you can save me this time. This particular problem is something your innocent mind will not grasp; this is something I can't let you even see. It takes all of my self restraint to make sure you don't have the slightest clue; though, even when I slip up, you're so innocent you think nothing of it. It's agonizing. Have you ever known what it's like to want to stop time- just for a couple seconds- to kiss someone with all that you have, just to make sure they know, just to make sure they remember you? Kill me now if you have, because Kairi was never meant for you. But I'm too much of a coward to tell you who I think you _should _be with.

But I hope you know I'm always right behind you. You've made me so unbelievably taken by all that you are; everything that I'll never have. But yet, I can't stop myself from hoping otherwise. My mind screams these wild fantasies. Maybe I'll scream out loud; I'll fight my way to the top so that you just maybe might hear me. Just to catch your attention, and all in between. Oh, how crazy and amazing would it be for you to kiss back if I got the courage to kiss you first. Your beauty has me lost in the meaning of something I'd never thought I'd fall for. Love was something I thought to be a joke but like in everything else you proved me wrong.

It would be hard for you to accept it, but if you gave me the chance... I'd never let go. I wouldn't ever leave you.

Heavy footsteps snap me from my sappy thoughts. It would be ironic if you were the one walking towards me. For a moment, I imagine it being you; you walk to me, pin me down, and kiss me. But of course, that's never going to happen. My heart feels a painful twinge. One day, I will shave your spiky hair in punishment for this. Then save a lock like a fan girl. I really am pathetic when it comes to you.

"Out of all the places to be, why do you pick here, Riku?" a familiar voice calls, laughingly. I shallowly gasp; it _is_ you.

Your brown spiky hair bounces as you plop your self down next to me on the sand. There's that happy sparkle in your eyes; I swear it never leaves. The happiness in your eyes is shown more plainly in your smile; it's so beautiful. How do you do that? I inwardly sigh in exasperation; you're just too amazing.

I look back at the waves, and then remember you asked why I was here, on the beach. Hmm, why _am_ I here? I think my footsteps just took me here. So, I reply, "Do I have to have a reason to be here?"

You slightly falter, but continue on nonetheless. It's cute, and you don't even know it. "Well, I guess not... but you realize a storm is coming, right?" You point up at the sky.

"Yeah, I realized." I respond. "But I don't mind getting wet." I explain.

You laugh and suddenly, I really want to hold you tight and never let go. You shouldn't laugh so much; it's so tempting. "You are so weird, Riku." you continue, still slightly chuckling.

I give a little laugh and retort, "Hey, I'm not the one who likes singing in musicals with mermaids."

"Hey! It was fun being a merman... and I helped Ariel find her happily ever after, so you can just stick that in your juice box and suck it!" You blush which is funny, because the only reason I commented on Atlantica is because that's what I wanted. I really enjoy pushing your buttons. I smirk a little at your unintentional sex joke too; you probably don't even realize what you are saying.

But then you suddenly look melancholy; it catches me off guard. "What are you looking so down for?" I ask it like I'm about to scowl at him, but I'm genuinely worried.

"It's not fair, Riku. I saw all these people find their happily ever afters, but yet I never got mine." You've never been so blunt before... Why are you telling me this? Oh, if you only knew how well I understand... but if only you also knew how much I would like to help, but can't.

But I can at least give him the reassurance I understand. "Me too, Sora, me too... Who did you want to be your happily ever after?" I really couldn't help asking.

You sigh and lay down in the sand. After a moment of contemplative silence, you say, "Oh, I don't know."

You have never been good at lying. "Uh huh." I say skeptically, "Now who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?"

You laugh and say, "I was trying to fool the sand; it's very gullible."

"Oh, you're one to talk!" I say, smiling amusedly. Only you would be able to get away with making a sarcastic comment like that.

"Well, what about you, Riku?" you ask, turning to your side to look at me properly. You prop yourself on your elbow and rest your head on your hand; anyone seeing this sight could turn anyone on. I'm definitely no exception.

I inwardly hate myself for a moment as I blush a little; oh how I hate blushing. But I don't think you noticed. "What about me?" I ask, looking away.

"Who do you want to be your happily ever after?" Oh great, just the question I don't want to answer.

I look ahead at the tumbling waves of the ocean and wonder what I should say. I could admit it right here, right now. I could finally take a deep breath and let it out; imagining me telling him that I love him is almost ridiculous though. I've never been good with this kind of thing.

"Ahh..." I exclaim frustratedly. You look a little alarmed and I don't blame you. "I don't know either." I lie badly. I wonder if you'll buy it.

You don't. "You're just as bad of a liar as I am. We have to tell each other these things; what if we like the same person!" you exclaim, worriedly. I look back at him and almost laugh hysterically; if that was the case, things would be so much easier!

"Ha! I don't think we have to worry about that, Sora." I respond, caught in the moment. Slowly, the amused smile slips off my face as I realized what I said. Why did I just say that! I look at you expectantly; surprisingly, you don't ask 'why not'. Instead you half-smile and nod as if you agree. ...What?

"You're right, I don't think we do." Wh-what? Can you tell that I like you? I want to panic; my body reads my mind and I break out into a cold sweat.

"Why do you think that?" I ask nervously. Now you look a little panicked. You wouldn't panic if you thought I liked you so... What did you mean? Something within my heart raised a little; it is the rare occurring feeling of hope. I really don't like hope; it makes everything else so disappointing.

You stutter a bit (cutely, might I add) and blush. You suddenly see something very interesting in the sand and you start fidgeting; I must've asked a really bad question. But now I desperately want to know the answer.

Finally, you say, "Let's just say I like someone I'm not supposed to and that you would never like them."

Well that's interesting. Sounds very similar to my story. Suddenly feeling a bit of courage, respond, "That's odd because I like someone exactly like that too."

You furrow your eyebrows. "Why wouldn't I like them?"

I almost want to laugh. "I think you would get along with him, but I would be really creeped out if you liked him more than that..." Two seconds after I said it, I realize I revealed a big part of my secret; oh shit, I told you that who I love is a guy. '…Would get along with _him…' _echoes through my head like a terrifying mantra. If I ever had wanted to die before, I definitely did now; I wonder if I could get away with running away.

You look shocked, and I don't blame you. But then suddenly you blush again but this time it's not from embarrassment. I can tell because your cheeks are redder than usual; but why? "Who is he?" you exclaim angrily.

Whoa, wait a second... Did you just sound jealous, or is it just me? My heart and imagination must be getting ahead of me; there is no way in heaven or hell you like me. But then, I realize I am faced with a dilemma; I have to answer your question. Oh shit.

I convince myself that now is a better time than never; I decide to be reckless and go through with my most frequent fantasy. It all starts with a kiss, right? So I determinedly look at him, and lean in quickly. Without checking your expression out of fear, I take you lips with mine and immediately start savoring the feeling because I know it'll be gone all too soon.

Your lips are incredibly soft and if there was a chemical reaction that could describe this feeling it would definitely be fireworks. Loosing a bit of self control, I pull you closer to me; you're so warm. You skin is as soft as your lips, I note. Then the impossible happens; you kiss back. You move your free hand to my silver hair and tangle the locks, turning me on dangerously.

But I'm still not completely gone in the breath-taking ways of you, Sora; all I do is lick your bottom lip for entrance and you once again surprises me by obliging. Before long, we are in a war for tongue dominance, exploring each others mouths hungrily. For how long now have I longed for this? Too long, I think. But yet, I pull away; I need an explanation.

For a moment, all we do is look at each other as if to say 'did that really happen?' I wait for you to get mad at me, or run away from me at least. Any second now, the happy spark will leave your eyes, as it always does when you're conflicted. You'll blush lightly and fidget again before stuttering something incoherent and running off somewhere. I knew it was too good to be true... But yet, I can't let go of my hope, not yet; not after that mind-blowing kiss. My heart screams for you to tell me you felt it too, no matter how hard I tell it to stop.

A small blush resurfaces on your cheeks and you smiles sheepishly. Before you say anything, I start with a panic, "I told you we wouldn't like the same person."

"You're right; liking each other kind of hinders that idea, huh?" My heart skips a beat; you said it. You actually admitted to liking me. Your frank honesty always tugged at my heart-strings, and I fight back the urge to laugh at the irony of everything. You suddenly look at me kind of funny, but I think it's because I have a stupid grin on my face.

Not being able to say anything due to my shock, I let myself go into auto-pilot; I kiss you again sweetly, and I hold you tight because I won't let this go.

And finally, I think you don't want me to.


End file.
